My Life in Ruins
by IiLhOaVtEeUu
Summary: Set in the first season. Except the pregnancy test Blair took said something completely different. Doesn't follow complete Season 1 plot! CHAIR!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hi everyone! I know if you've read my other stories (as athena24454) you know that I don't update very reliably. Sorry for that. I have to update my stories from friends' computers. But- try this first chapter & see if you like it. I can't promise to update every day but I promise to update as much as I can!_

I stood in my bathroom staring at the little white stick. It looked harmless enough. Just a piece of plastic, right? Wrong. This little stick would reveal my future in the next minute and 27 seconds. I shook the pregnancy test hoping to speed up the results. I just wanted it to say negative as fast as possible so I could finally stop worrying.

" B?" Serena questioned, knocking on the door to my bathroom. I didn't answer. I was grateful that she brought the test but I was trying my hardest not to cry and talking would push me over the edge. The door handle twisted and she walked in. Her blonde hair hung on her shoulders with that just-cut look from a recent hair cut. She was in a dress that personally, I wouldn't have picked but it was defiantly Serena's style. " Any news?"

I gave her a vicious look. The timer on my red blackberry buzzed. This was the defining moment. I grabbed the test and without hesitation, looked at the results. Two blue lines. What did that mean? I scramble through the piles of cosmetics on my white, marble counter until I find the box. I shake it so the directions fall on the counter.

One Pink Line = Negative

Two Blue Lines = Positive

I read the directions over and over. It must be wrong. It _had _to be wrong. " Blair, it's positive." Serena said in awe. She puts hands on my shoulders.

I take the test and hurl it at the wall. It crushes and falls to the floor. Then I turn to Serena. " Really? I had no idea, Serena! Thanks for clearing that up."

"Look, I know you're upset. I just want to help." The look on her face told me she really did just want to help. But I didn't care.

"You always _just want to help! _Just like you _helped _when you slept with Nate, am I right?"

Serena jumped back like she'd been slapped. Her eyes filled with tears. "At least I'm not pregnant and don't know who the father is." She runs out of the room slamming the door behind her. I leaned against the wall and fell down to the floor. The tears I'd been fighting back poured over.

Serena was wrong. I knew I was pregnant but I also knew who the father was. In nine months Chuck Bass was going to be a father.

Time passed but I didn't know the difference between a minute and an hour. It all blended together. What would I do with a baby? Im a teenager for God's sake! I wasn't ready to be a mother. And this child deserved more than a mother like me. I never wanted children. If I would be anything like my mom, I shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. Especially not Chuck's child.

Oh God. Chuck. What was I going to do about him? He would make an awful father. I bet he would want me to get an abortion. But did I want to get one?

"Miss. Blair?" Dorota asked, peering her head around the corner. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at me. I was sitting on the floor. My makeup had run completely down my face. This was not the Blair Waldorf look. She rushed over and grabbed my hand. "Oh Miss. Blair! Are you alright? Should I get Miss. Eleanor?"

I quickly wiped the tears from my face and stood up. "No need. Am I late?" Even if I was pregnant, I sure as hell wasn't going to ruin my attendance record.

"No." She eyed me with curiosity. There was something going on and Dorota was determined to figure it out.

"Excellent. Bring me my uniform."

"But Miss. Blair. You were just-"

I interrupted her. "Did I say to argue with me? Bring me my uniform" Dorota scurried away. I went to my vanity and sat in the pristine white chair. My hair was in a sort of half up pony tail with wisps flying out in every direction. I let it loose from the restriction of the rubber hairband. It fell around my face. I studied my reflection in the mirror. I looked awful.

I grabbed my foundation-a tanner color than normal- to give my face some color. Dorota had come back by the time I got to applying to lipgloss. She layer my uniform, inside the dry cleaner's bag, on my bed. "Thank you, Dorota. That will be all." She gave a loud huff but left the room.

I threw my uniform on with ease. Pretty soon I wouldn't be able to wear it. Not that not wearing my uniform was a problem for me. But it meant that I wouldn't be able to wear any of my clothes. Not the new Chanel line. Or the new Gucci. I'd be wearing clothes from one of the giant sized maternity stores on 12th. Or I'd have to get my mother to make me new clothes.

Oh God. My mother. What would I tell her? She was going to kill me. And what would I tell Daddy? They were going to be so disappointed and probably disown me. No doubt they will want me to get an abortion.

After dressing, I took the limo to school. It took about fifteen minutes to get to Constance Billiard on a good day. However, this was not a good day. The traffic was unbearable. Getting to school took 45 minutes. Which meant the late bell was going to ring any minute.

We pulled up to the curb and Wilson, the chauffeur, opened my door. I stepped out of the limo and started hustling to the doors. I rounded the corner of the building to find none other than Chuck Bass himself holding the wall up while smoking a cigarette. He threw it on the ground and smashed it under his foot before running up to me. By that time I was turning around and hurrying up the stairs to the school.

Chuck grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Don't stop on my account."

"It's not good for the- uh..." his eyes moved to my stomach.

Serena told him. "Serena shouldn't have told you." I kept walking.

"Blair! Will you please stop! We need to talk!" I turned around to glare at him. I started to give a clever response but my stomach did a flip, making me gag. "You're having my kid. We need to talk about this."

At that moment my stomach pain took a turn for the worst. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt. Like someone was stabbing me in my stomach with a knife and kept twisting it. Tears sprang to my eyes. I fell on my knees with my things scattering everywhere. "Blair!"

My mind was hazy. Chuck was there. He was on the phone. His voice told me he was worried. But I could only focus on the pain. I heard sirens get closer. The school doors flew open and a mob of teachers and students ran out. They crowded around me trying to either see what was happening or help me.

_My baby._ The thoughts raced through my head in a instant. But they took place of the pain. This wasn't just stomach pain. This was my baby. My child. And it was in danger. I reached up and took Chuck's arm. "Chuck." My voice was strained and barely heard over the blaring sirens and yells of people but he heard it. His ocean blue eyes connected with me. "It's the baby." His eyes grew wide as he realized the fact that our child was in danger.

Chuck scooped me up in his arms and carried me over to the ambulance. His voice carried over the crowd as he talked to the paramedics. They nodded to what Chuck said and put me on the stretcher in the ambulance. It took only a second for Chuck to jump in the ambulance beside me.

My cell phone in my purse buzzed. Chuck reached into it. "W-who is it?"

Chuck looked from my face to the phone. " Blair..."

I reach out with unsteady hands and take the phone. It was a text with a picture of me clutching my stomach. Underneath it was a caption that read, "Looks like B had some serious tummy troubles. Is this UES princess just attention deprived? Or has the soon to be mommy taken a turn for the worse? Yes, that's right. B is pregnant. So I guess the virgin queen has officially been deflowered. You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl."

I read the text again. Gossip Girl knew. But how? My stomach clenched again as the ambulance came to a stop outside of Lenox Hill Hospital. "We're almost there Blair. Just hold on a few more minutes." The paramedics transfer me from the stretcher to a wheelchair and Chuck wheeled me up to the counter. The red-headed clerk looked me and down and gave the paperwork to him. An orderly came from around the corner and grabbed the wheelchair handles to push me.

"No! I won't go alone! Chuck!" I yelled out, making the nurse stop.

The nurse motions for Chuck to follow us. He takes my hand and we resume going down the hall. The nurse asked Chuck a series of questions. We get to my room and he tells Chuck to wait there while I get x-rayed. "No. She can't get an x-ray. She's pregnant." I gave him a look of annoyance. Why wouldn't he just let me get the test done. This was no time to get overprotective. He gave me a shrug. "I read it somewhere. Something about radiation." The nurse gave me a look and I could tell what she was thinking. Typical teenage pregnancy. Hell, I was thinking the same thing.

"Alright. We'll put you in this room for now. A doctor should be here soon to do an ultra sound." she looked sympathetically at me. "Good luck."

Her reaction frightened me. What's luck have to do with it? So I asked, "Is it bad?"

"There's no way to know without tests. Just be patient."

I looked at her harshly. "Is my baby in danger?" Her face gets sad.

"It's likely that your baby will not make it. But I can't say for sure. The doctor will be here soon." With that she turned on her heel and left.

Chuck came over and stood by the bed. "Is it easing off?"

"A bit." I closed my eyes breathed hard.

We sat there in silence for a while, unmoving. There was a loud shout from down the hall. The door to my room bursts open. "Blair Eleanor Waldorf!" Oh no. My mother stood in the doorway. She looked almost as terrible as I did. She moved to reveal that she wasn't the only tyrant in the room. Chuck's dad stood behind her. They both wore scowls.

"Mother! What are you doing here?" I ask her.

"What do you mean? I'm here to get my pregnant daughter and take her home."

"I'm afraid you can't do that just yet." a voice said from the doorway. Every eye turned to face the mysterious voice. It was a woman in a white lab coat. She had short black hair and was about 40. "Hello everyone. I'm Doctor Greene."

"Yes. Well, hello. I would like the discharge papers for my daughter immediately."

"You must be Blair's mother. I don't think you understand the severity of the situation, Mrs. Waldorf. Blair is experiencing major stomach pains. That could mean something potentially fatal to her and the child she's carrying. Now, I don't believe were dealing with something that serious but it still needs to be checked out." My mom gave a loud huff. Stubborn to a fault sometimes. "I need you all to leave for just a few minutes while I give Blair an ultrasound." She pushed people out of the room until it was just us.

"I'm sorry abo-" I started to say.

"Trust me, i've had worse." she gave me a smile and I found that I could trust her. She walked up to me and pulled my hospital gown up until it was about halfway up my stomach. "This will be cold." she said as she squirted the gel onto my stomach. I flinched at the temperature. The machine next to her flicked on. Except I didn't see anything. "Alright. This is what I expected."

"I don't see anything. I'm not pregnant?" my heart fell as I uttered this three words.

"Not exactly. You are pregnant. Your baby just isn't in your uterus. You have what's called an ectopic pregnancy. Your baby was fertilized in the uterus lining. Luckily, we caught it in time. Any longer and you would have suffered severe problems."

"But this can be fixed?"

She flashed a bright smile. "Absolutely! You are on painkillers right now but those should wear off in a few hours. As soon as those are up you can start taking a new medication that should correct your problem. However, you need to take it easy. There is always the possibility of you overexerting yourself. If that happens you will need a very extensive surgery."

I smiled back. I was fine. The baby was fine. Everything was going to be fine. "Thank you."

She flipped the machine off and walked to the door. Before she left she said, "I'm sending your mother back in." Nice warning.

My mother came in five minutes later. She just stared at me for awhile before walking up to the bed and slapping me as hard as she could. I didn't dare cry. A single tear slipped down my cheek. "Do you know what you've done?" she hissed. "You went like a white trash little whore and got knocked up. Your future is ruined. Do you think they will let you into Yale now. Or even Constance! Nobody wants you anymore."

"Chuck..."

She let out a cruel laugh. "You're relying on Chuck Bass? He doesn't want you either Blair. He's smart. He knows with you hanging around he won't go anywhere."

"Maybe I should do everyone a favor an just get an abortion!"

"You are _not _going to disgrace our family with an abortion. This child will go up for adoption. In the meantime you will be leaving New York. Your father has agreed to keep you for the duration of this pregnancy. Although I think we should send you to some convent, I agree it's not the most secure place for you."

"Chuck won't agree."

"Chuck Bass wont know. You will tell him that you lost this baby. So, when you leave it will only seem natural that you need time to cope. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"I will send Chuck in. As for Bart, well, I'll deal with him."

This felt so wrong. But she was right. Chuck didn't want this baby. And as much as I hated him, I loved him more. I wouldn't drag him down with me. He meant to much to me for that.

Chuck rushed into the room. "Blair! Is the- is everything alright?" he questioned.

"Chuck..."

"Listen, I've had time to think. I know this isn't ideal. And I know I'm an ass most of the time. And I know that you're not over Nate. But this baby can be the best of both of us. We can raise it together. I get that you and I argue relentlessly and that we never get along but I'm willing to try this if you are."

I loved him. More than Nate. And he wanted to be with me. But because I loved him, I had to let him live his life. "Chuck, I lost the baby."

"What?" his voice was barely a whisper.

"I lost it."

"No. I don't believe it. I won't."

I raise my voice, "Chuck! The baby is dead!" He turned to the table in the corner and kicked it. The table broke into prices. When he turned back, he was crying. "Chuck." "I can't Blair." he said and stormed out of the room.

It was official. I was truly alone.

_A/N: So, a little tense. As you can see- Chuck & Blair have a very different relationship. But it will get back to old Chuck & Blair soon. Promise. Serena & Nate will come back into the picture soon too. So... Don't give up! Reviews are always welcome. I love to know how I'm doing...even if you think I suck!.So send me your love!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

_A/N: Hi! Sorry for the mess ups last chapter. Special thanks to for catching them. Keep the reviews coming, they help me know what you want. So, review & tell me what should be happening. _

**Four Days Later:**

I pulled my white Armani jacket on, one arm at a time. My whole body felt sore. I didn't know if it was from stress or laying in a hospital bed for days. Either way I was ready to leave. Chuck hadn't visited me once in the last few days and frankly, I didn't blame him. He thinks our baby died. _Died. _

I looked at my appearance in the closet door mirror. I couldn't describe it but I looked different somehow. It wasn't that I looked better or worse. Just different. The red dress I was wearing clung to my body and made me feel like I was suffocating. This was going to be a long plane ride.

Nurse Jackie, my nurse from the last few days, came into the room with a wheel chair and a tray. "Hi sweetie!" She said in her deep southern accent. "You ready to get outta here?"

"Extremely." I answered. I walked over to her with difficulty. She helped me sit down in the wheelchair and handed me the tray. On it was a small glass of water and a paper cup with three pills inside. I tossed the pills in my mouth and swallowed a big gulp of water. "Jackie?"

"Yes Darlin?"

I pointed across the room, "Can you bring me those shoes?" She rushed over and brought them back to me. I slipped the red, satin pumps on. "Alright. Let's go."

She pushed me down the hallway, through the lobby, and out the front door. My limo was parked directly in front of the door. There was a line of cars forming behind it, angrily honking their horns. The driver got out and opened the door for me. I slid into the back of the limo and the door slammed closed behind me. On the seat beside me was a purple box with a bow. _Chuck._ I tore open the package to find a card and a rattle. I picked up the letter and read it silently.

_Blair,_

_ I was buying a new jacket when Serena called and told me the news. I went to Tiffany's and had them do this. It just got in today. I know it's no use now but I wanted you to have it anyways. I want you to know how sorry I am. I know you need time. That's what your mother said at least. But when you're ready, I'm here._

_ -Chuck_

I grabbed the rattle from the box and inspected it. It was silver and shined brightly. It looked like any other rattle. An inscription was written in tiny letters making up the top of the rattle. It said, _"You are the beginning of everything. The beginning of hope and wonder and happiness. You are the beginning of my life. I love you."_

I couldn't believe Chuck had written that. It just wasn't...him. He wasn't supposed to want this child. He was supposed to leave and hate me forever. Not go out and do something like this. I had to tell him the truth. He deserved to know.

"Driver, turn around. Go to the Empire." I yelled. I grabbed my phone and dialed his number. It sent me straight to voice mail. "Chuck, please. I need to talk to you." My voice sounded desperate. But I was desperate. I needed to talk to Chuck.

I looked out my window in time to see us drive past the Empire. "Driver! We just passed it!" he just shook his head. "Are you deaf? Go back!"

"I can't do that Miss. Waldorf. Your mother said to take you straight to the airport. No exceptions."

"I don't care! Take me back!"

"I can't do that."

I dial Chuck's number again, furiously pressing the send key. This time there is an answer on the other end.

"Blair?"

"Chuck!"

"Why are you calling me?"

"Didn't you get my message? I need to talk to you. But my driver won't listen."

"I got your message. I just don't want to talk to me. I'd imagine you don't want to talk to me either after what your mother told me."

"What are you talking about?" I was completely confused. He wasn't making any sense.

"Your mother told me what you said about me. You told her everything was my fault. That I never cared about you. And that I- that I hated the baby."

"I didn't say any of that!"

"Don't play dumb. It's not attractive."

"Please believe me, Chuck!" Tears were running down my face.

"It's better this way. We don't have a baby. Your going away. I won't bother you again. Goodbye Blair."

I couldn't speak for the tears. Luckily, I didn't have to. Chuck and already hung up and my door was opened. My mother was standing outside the door. "Stop crying and let's go. The plane takes off in fifteen minutes and your not even inside yet." I stepped out of the limo and looked at my mother. She was a liar and I hated her. "Jesus, Blair! Didn't I just say hurry up?"

I stormed off in the direction of the front entrance but my mother grabbed my arm. "Wrong way." I turned on my heel and walked in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going? The airport's back there." I ask.

"We're using the Bass' private plane. Bart thought it would be the most secure."

"You know mother, I would have suspected the great Bart Bass to have stronger feelings about the fate of his grandchild. But I guess some people just surprise us."

"Bart was going to protest you keeping the child without marrying. When I told him that was ridiculous and you will not be marrying I suggested this solution." she shrugged. It was all just business to her.

We came up on the entrance to the private plane hangar and boarded the plane. My mother stood in the doorway to the plane. "Your father is doing a great service to you and our family. Don't screw up again, Blair. We won't save you next time."

I looked at my mother and gave a fake smile, "What am I going to do, Mom? Get pregnant?"

"Goodbye, Blair." With that, she turned on her heel and exited the plane- leaving me with a long, long plane ride to think over my life.


	3. Chapter 3

_Copy write: I own absolutely none of these characters...just the plot!_

**8 months later:**

I looked at the display in the store window. The crib was pale pink with a canopy curtain draped over the top. Stuffed animals crowded the area around the crib along with a small rocking horse in the corner. I opened the door with a swift motion and walked into the air conditioned baby store.

"Bonjour!" A woman said walking up to me. She had a big name tag that read _"Cossett." _ I walked straight past her and to the baby clothing. The same blue outfit that I had seen in the catalogue was hanging up on the wall right in front of me. I grabbed it off the hanger and held it up to my protruding stomach in the mirror. It poked out where my belly button was.

My stomach seemed to be getting larger with every day that passed. I was two days past the original due date and I couldn't stand staying cooped up in my room any longer. Daddy kept pushing the same books of adoption parents. I hadn't picked one yet because none of them seemed right. Either they were too old. Or too young. Something was always wrong.

I had grown attached to my big stomach and the little baby that was growing inside of it. Even though I was giving it up, I secretly found out the sex two months ago. It was a boy. My very own little baby boy. He wasn't truly mine. He was some other couple's. But even though I wouldn't get to told him or sing him to sleep, I thought he should have at least one thing from me. So, here I was, buying my unborn baby that I wasn't actually going to keep a outfit.

I took the purchase to the counter and paid for it. "You weel have a beautiful bebe, Mademoiselle." the clerk said in a very French accent. It took everything I had not to burst out in tears right then and there. Stupid hormones!

I ran out of the store as fast as I could- which really wasn't all that fast. I was miserable. My feet hurt. My back ached. I cried all the time. And I was fat. Being pregnant sucked. As I walked down the sidewalk to the house I couldn't help but think about everything I was missing out on with being pregnant. I will never look as good as before and have spent what's supposed to be the best moment of my life, pregnant.

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach that brought me back to reality. My underwear and dress suddenly became wet. I looked down to find a puddle between my feet. I was in labor! I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse and dialed the familiar number.

"Blair?"

"Daddy! It's happening!"

His voice grew worried. "Where are you?"

I groaned as the sharp pain turned into a dull one instead. "About a block away. In front of the Dolce & Gabanna. Hurry, I think my water just broke!" I yelled into the phone.

Within minutes a limo pulled up next to me and pulled me inside. My dad and Roman waited inside. "It's all going to be ok, Sweetie. Just breath."

I grimaced as Roman told me to breathe. The pain was just getting worse and they told me to _breathe? _ My stomach felt like someone was jabbing a knife through it. I couldn't feel anything else besides the pain. I was jolted back by a sudden stop of the limo. I couldn't help but remember the day eight months ago when I was on my way to a hospital for stomach pain.

The door opened and I was in a wheelchair. I only caught flashes of what happened. I felt like my mind was dazing in and out of reality. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Everything was happening. I just couldn't figure it out.

I found myself laying in a hospital bed with a gown on. A doctor walked in. He was old, probably in his late sixties. He lifted the blankets from my legs and bent down. About a minute later he spoke, "Well, Miss. Waldorf, it looks like you are ready to push." the nursing staff brought a tray of utensils to beside the doctor. I wondered what those were for but was interrupted by another pain. "Ok, your having a contraction. I need you to push." I squeezed Daddy's hand and pushed as hard as I could. Nothing happened. Less than thirty seconds passed before he told my to push again. I screamed out a variety of cuss words and slanders at the doctor and my father and Chuck Bass-who at this moment was probably asleep in his nice warm bed while I was pushing his demon spawn out of my body!

There was a sudden relief and the tension and pain left my body. From directly in front of me I heard faint crying. " You did it sweetheart. You did it." Roman said and gave me a hug.

"Congratulations, Blair. It's a boy." the nurse cleaned my baby off and wrapped him in a blue blanket before putting him in my arms. The doctor exited leaving me, my dad, Roman, and my child alone in one room.

My dad turned to look at me. The looked old somehow. To me, my father was timeless. Frozen. But right now he looked ancient. "Blair, the social worker is right outside. She is ready to take the baby to it's parents. Were going to need him now."

I looked at the child laying on my chest and started crying. "Can I have a moment alone?" I asked.

Daddy started to say no but with one sour look from Roman he thought better. "Just one."

Both men left quickly and it was just me and the baby. I looked a him intently. He had bright blue eyes with rosy colored cheeks and a head of dark brown hair. I could tell right away that he would look exactly like Chuck. But he had my nose. I stroked his cheeks and murmured, "Hi sweetie. It's me. Your mom." he gave a little gurgling sound but other than that did nothing. "Yeah. I feel the same way. I'm sorry that you got stuck with me in the mother department." he looked back at me and I knew I loved him. I sniffed and continued. "I'm sorry I have to give you away. If I had any other option I'd keep you. I love you- I do! It's just I can't keep you. You need better than me. You deserve better than me." A tear dropped from my cheek and onto the baby. I wiped it off quickly.

I felt like he was staring into my soul. I would keep him if I could. Could I? I snuggled the baby closer to me, holding him for dear life. "Daddy! Roman?" I yelled.

My father came in quickly, fearing something was wrong. "What's wrong?"

"I have come to a decision."he held a look of relief when he realized I wasn't dying. "I can't give the baby away. This is my child. I love him."

Daddy's eyes grew about three sizes. "Blairbear, you can't do that. The hormones are just making you say things you don't really mean."

I threw daggers at him with my eyes. "This is my decision. I'm keeping him."

He looked at me hard. "Blair, your right. This is your decision. But I'm warning you. If you do this you won't have me or your mother any more. You will be cut off from both of us. Money included."

"What are you saying? That I'll have to get a job if I live with you or mom?"

"No. I'm saying that you won't live with me. You are out of my house. I won't have a teenage daughter with a baby ruining the Waldorf name. Your mother told me that she expected you would do this- want to keep the baby that is. She told me to tell you that if you make this horrible mistake we disown you. So, please don't make me make that decision, Blair."

I looked at him in disbelief. "I'm keeping him."

He looked like he would cry. "Very well." he said clearing his throat. "I love you Blairbear and this is your decision." he reached into his wallet and pulled out a check.

"What's this."

"Twenty thousand dollars to start a new life. I wish I could give you more but your mother is monitoring my accounts. I'll have a maid bring your things from the house." he kissed me on the forehead and kissed the baby before turning to leave. "I love you Blair." were the last things he said to me before waking out of my life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Almost One Year Later:**

I threw away the dirty diaper in my hand and went back to the changing table. "Alright Charlie, lets get you a fresh diaper."

Charlie giggled and said, "No." I reached down to the bottom compartment and moved my hand around in search of a clean diaper. When I couldn't find one I bent down and examined the straw basket they were usually in. Empty. _Just great._

"What am I going to do now?" I muttered to myself. I saw a freshly washed cloth laying on the edge of his crib and got an idea. I grabbed the cloth and wrapped it around him, pinning it together with a safety pin. It would have to do until I made it to the store.

I fastened his pants and put him in the stroller with his favorite rattle. I walked down the small hallway of my apartment and into the bathroom. It was tiny but it got the job done. I looked in the mirror and pulled my shoulder length hair into a ponytail on top of my head. It was split end central. I put on a pair of faded jeans from a consignment shop down the street and a worn out sweat shirt. Both were too big for me now that I was smaller than before I got pregnant.

After dressing, I grabbed Charlie and my purse and exited the small, rundown apartment building. The landlord, a creepy man with all crooked teeth and slicked back black hair, winked at me as I made my way to the bus stop. I smiled, acknowledging him. I hated the guy but I had to play along. He was the only reason I could afford this place. Because he liked me so much, he lowered my rent by two hundred dollars.

I boarded the bus and paid my fifty cents for a ride. I started to walk back but was stopped by the driver. "Aren't you forgetting something?" he said.

"Excuse me?" I asked. He motioned to Charlie and rubbed his thumb and fingers together to make the universal money sign. "You've got to be kidding me." I rummaged through my only designer purse that I hadn't sold to find the measly fifty cents. After depositing my money I took a seat as close to the front as I could get.

The ride took about twenty minutes from my apartment in the Bronx to get to the closest convenience store. The bus stopped and I ran inside. It was nearly closing time for them but there was one, teenage employee about my age, left. I grabbed the cheapest generic brand diaper I could find and took it to the counter. "Hello."

"Hi." I set the diapers on the counter and pulled out my bank card. He scanned the diapers and ran my card through the machine. "Declined" showed up in big red letters on the total amount screen. "It can't be declined. This isn't even a credit card! It's a bank card!"

"There's a negative balance. The bank is canceling your account." the cashier said.

"I need these. Can you just...give me these for now and I'll pay you back tomorrow. Please?" I asked.

He came to the front of the cash register to stand beside me. He moved closer to me and put a hand on my arm. I sat the baby carrier down. "But there are other ways you could pay for the diapers." he traced his hand in patterns on the material of the sweatshirt.

"Bad!" Charlie squealed and put his hands over his eyes.

I lifted my arm and punched him as hard as I could in the jaw. He fell to the ground. I picked up the diapers and ran out of the store. The next bus wouldn't be coming for another half hour so I decided to walk it.

I was beat by the time I got to the apartment. I pulled Charlie out of the stroller and set him on the floor. He giggled and crawled over to one of his many toys strewn across the floor.

_"Ring!" _The phone started to ring so I answered it.

"Hello?" I expected it to be a telemarketer or a bill collector but I was wrong.

"Blair?" The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't quite place it.

"Yes. Who is this?" Out of the corner of my eye I saw Charlie use the coffee table to stand up and fall back down. He wailed. I shushed him.

"Blair, it's Serena." _S! _It was Serena!

"Serena! How did you find me?" I ask with a huge smile on my face.

She hesitated. "Blair, you need to come home. Now."

"What are you talking about?"

"B, I've sent a car for you. It's urgent."

I looked at the phone, at Charlie, and back to the phone. "What's wrong? What's going on?" I asked. I was terrified.

"Just get here soon Blair." I pressed the end call button and stood in silence for a few minutes. Getting a call from Serena was like seeing a dinosaur. I haden't talked to her since before the pregnancy. And what did she mean? What could she be talking about?

I knelt down in front of Charlie. "Charlie? How would you like to go on a little trip?"

"Ya!" he squealed. I laughed. He banged his hands up and down. I looked at him. He had dark, curly hair that framed his face. His blue eyes hadn't gone away like most babies' do. And I was glad. It still puzzled me how he got blue eyes when both Chuck and I have brown eyes.

Just thinking about Chuck made me want to cry. He was living the high life. He went to parties and drank. He was carefree. Last I heard, he was marrying some heiress from the south-Georgia. And while he lived in a perfect world with everything he'd ever wanted, I was here. In this hell hole.

I used to be Blair Waldorf. And that meant something. Now, I'm just a washed up, single mother doing her best to avoid living in her car...again. I didn't have nice things anymore. I didn't have fun. I worked three jobs. I do whatever I can to get by. I spent the money my father gave in the hospital on a plane ticket back to New York and a few months rent, but that was long gone too. My scheming was left in the past when I decided to keep Charlie. The old Blair was gone.

In the past year, i'd had to do many, many things I regretted. But I regretted the most lying to Chuck. I loved him. He was my everything- whether I was to stubborn to believe it or not. And everyday when I looked at my baby, I saw a mirror image of his father. It killed me.

I put on a smile for Charlie and picked him up. He squealed. He was always happy. The innocence of a child, I guess. I took him into his room and set him down in his crib. "Stay here." I pulled two suitcases from the closet. They were both from Goodwill. I threw one on the floor and started putting clothes inside. After finishing, I packed his diaper bag, along with an extra change of clothes just in case.

The doorbell rang and I ran to answer it. A man in a blue uniform tipped his hat to me. He spoke in a very strong German accent and said, "Miss. Waldorf? I am Miss. Van der Woodsen's chauffeur. I am here to take you to see Miss. Van der Woodsen."

"I'm not completely packed. Please, come inside. It'll be just a few more minutes." I opened the door for him to enter but he just shook his head.

"No Miss. i'll wait here." I shut the door and ran into my room, grabbing a suitcase on the way. My closet was pretty limited so it didn't take me long to grab what I needed. I stuffed everything in a small suitcase along with my toiletries and my emergency money. I walked over to my small jewelry box and opened it up. The necklace Chuck gave me sat inside. The necklace was much to fancy for the second hand box. I closed the jewelry box and stuffed it inside the suitcase with the rest of my belongings.

When I finished I went into Charlie's room. He was playing with a toy truck and making "vroom" noises. I picked him up and looked into his eyes. "Are you ready for an adventure." he looked quizzical at me. I just laughed. I grabbed both suitcases in one hand, Charlie in another and went to the front door.

I looked around the apartment. This wasn't my home. This wasn't my future. I knew if I went back to New York City my life would change forever- and whether good or bad- I was ready for it.

_A/N: Hi everyone! I just want to say a couple of things before I write the next chapter. I wrote this chapter 3 times trying to get it write. I think i've accomplished that. You are seeing a very different side of Blair. She's more vulnerable in my story. I can only stand a vulnerable Blair for so long so don't expect it to stay that way. In the next chapter, Blair is going back to the UES! _

_But first, let me clarify some things:_

_Charlie is Blair's son_

_Blair had the baby in France but took the money her dad gave her to buy a plane ticket back to New York._

_She lives in the Bronx._

_She doesn't have much money._

_She loves Chuck- or does she?_

_Serena found Blair's number, calls her, and tells her somethings super wrong!_

_Now, I don't think far enough ahead so... I don't know what's wrong yet. So, if you want the new chapter as fast as possible I suggest reviewing with your opinion on what's so bad Serena needs Blair to come home._

_XOXO,_

_Your favorite fan fiction writer!_


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers on what to write. I know there was some problems with the pregnancy thing...but after all, I'm a writer not a doctor! I'm sorry if that upset you-actually no, I'm not. If you get that upset over little details you shouldn't read this. But from the research I did it said medication was a possibility to fixing it. But once again- trusty google has failed me. I hope you like this new chapter. I got the idea from a fabulous reviewer! Enjoy and thanks for all the amazing reviews!

**Chapter 5:**

Being back in a limo brought back memories. Of being going to Constance every morning and going to galas every night. I remembered that night with Chuck the most. I was upset. But I knew what I was doing. I wanted it to happen. If I was being honest, I had wanted that for a long time. The leather upholstery smell wafted to my nose. I inhaled and closed my eyes, relaxing.

Charlie, who had fallen asleep the second we got in the car, was stirring beside me. I hoped that he would at least stay asleep until the car ride was over. A screaming child in a small, confined space did not make for a happy day. But as usual, it didn't happen. Charlie woke up about five minutes outside of New York City.

The lights shocked me at first. It was around 9 at night and in the city, it could be daylight. Everything seemed so strange, yet familiar. I could tell you where every single store was located but they were different. I couldn't explain it.

Warren, Serena's chauffeur, spoke up from the front seat. "Miss. Waldorf, were here." I looked out my window, we were directly in front of Serena's building. I took a deep breath, unbuckled Charlie from his car seat, and exited the car.

"Mommy?" Charlie whined.

"Yes, Sweetheart?" I asked. He pointed to his diaper bag. "You want a toy? Which one?"

It was a stupid question. He only ever wanted one toy when he was sleepy. I reached in and grabbed his silver rattle, handing it over. He instantly started shaking it.

We walked into the lobby and got on the elevator. This was all so strange. I wasn't used to elevators and limos. I was used to twelve floor walk ups and busses. I swung Charlie around to my hip so I could press the button for the third floor. He layer his head on my shoulder. By the time we made it to our floor, I could hear his near-silent snores.

The elevator doors opened and I looked around, shocked at my surroundings. Serena, barely changed at all, stood catty-corner to the elevator. Lilly stood directly beside her. Eric was sitting on a chair in front of the small mantle.

I tripped coming off the elevator and into the apartment. Every eye was on me. "Hi." I squeaked. My stomach rolled with waves of anxiety and sadness and just plain nausea.

Serena came running up to me. She grabbed me in a tight bear hug, being careful not to disturb Charlie. "He's beautiful." she whispered in my ear. Lilly hugged me to, not quite as tightly as Serena but close. Eric didn't move.

"I've missed you all. So much." a tear rolled down my cheek. I really had missed each of them.

"Blair- somethings going on. Sit down." Lilly said. I looked from face to face. This didn't seem to be a happy reunion.

I moved to sit down on the couch. I held Charlie against my chest and put a hand on the back of his head. "What's going on?"

Serena sat beside me. She brushed her long fingers over Charlie's head. "Blair, Bart is dead." It didn't register for a minute. I couldn't understand what she was saying. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Chuck's father is dead." I looked at each person. Lilly had tears rolling down her face.

"How?" I choked out.

"A car accident." I just stared down at the child in my arms. His grandfather was dead. "Blair, there's more."

What more could there be? The elevator dinged and Chuck came into the room followed by a short, balding man. I just stared at him tears blurring my vision. chuck stomped hard, walking into the room. "Have you told her yet?" he yelled. Eric made a shushing noise but Chuck barely paid attention. "Does she know that she gets everything in the will! Tell me Blair? Why is that!" he yelled once more.

Charlie stirred and started crying. Chucks eyes traveled from me to our child. He wore a look of confusion. I tore my eyes from Chuck and rocked Charlie. He didn't quiet. He shook his rattle angrily. "Mommy!" he screamed. I stood up and rocked him for a good five minutes before he finally got stopped wailing. I set him down on the couch and grabbed Chuck's arm, pulling him to the kitchen. Everyone else followed suit, joining us in the kitchen.

"What the hell Chuck?" I whisper angrily.

"Blair?"

"Why did you just screamed at me?"

"Blair?" his face contorted with each passing second.

With an exasperated sigh I said "Hello Chuck."

"W-who was that?"

I looked into his eyes. He truly was confused. "It's my son."

"You had a son?"

"Yes." I said.

"Two teen pregnancies in a row? Well isn't someone on a roll?" he snarled.

I jerked back like I'd been slapped. "You don't get it do you?"

"Get what? That you're a slut?"

"Chuck!" Serena exclaimed.

"She is. She's nineteen years old and been pregnant twice already."

"He's your son, you jackass!" Chuck looked shocked. His mouth bobbed open like a fish. He kept trying to say something but he didn't know what to say. "I lied to you. I didn't lose the baby. I moved to France and had it there."

"Why? Why did you lie?" his voice was barely a whisper.

"You didn't need a child. You weren't ready for one. A child would have destroyed your future Chuck! You were going somewhere."

His face didn't show any anger. He didn't start yelling at me. I would have much rather him yelled than stay there in silence. He turned around. In a hushed whisper Chuck said, "So were you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Chuck tried leaving but I grabbed his arm. "Say something! Don't just leave!" I let out a cry.

His eyes looked bloodshot. They were full of anger. " Like you did?" He snarled. He looked at me with hatred. And I didn't blame him. Hell, it was better than not feeling anything. "I feel bad for your child. His own mother can't even face her problems. She absolutely won't help him when it comes to his."

"Chuck..." I just wanted a chance to explain. His words were completely true. I couldn't handle my own life- how would I handle a child.

"That poor kid. I just hope that with a mother like _you, _he still turns out semi-normal."

"What did you just say?" I asked Chuck.

He smirked. "I said, the kid doesn't stand a chance. Face it, Blair. You're a horrible mother."

I reached my hand out and slapped him. It didn't even register that I had hit him. He was telling the truth, but hearing it made me surprisingly angry. Chuck just stared at me like the slap hadn't even phased him. "Don't you dare say anything about my mothering. You weren't there. You don't know everything that I've gone through."

He still wore that same stupid smirk on his lips. "Who's fault was that?"

"You're right. I should have told you. But I didn't! I wanted you to have a better life than you would have had with a child."

"Oh, like you had such a horrible life! It must have been dreadful raising a child with the help of all those nannies and your Dorota!"

There were nearly silent gasps from everyone in the kitchen. They stared at me, waiting to see what I would do next.

"You think I had an easy life? Did you know that I had to live in my car? Or that some days I couldn't afford groceries? I had to scrounge to find money for baby formula for Charlie! My life was hell taking care of your child! I was cut off. I didn't have a single thing in this world besides that little boy! So, if I'm not the best mother in the world, I'm sorry. But I would do anything for Charlie because I love him." I turned away from him to wipe the tears that were flowing freely from my eyes. "Believe it or not, but there was a time, I felt the same about you."

Serena was the only one who moved. She wrapped me in her arms and took me over to a chair to sit down. I buried my head in the crook between her neck and shoulder. I wanted so badly to look at Chuck but I was afraid of his reaction. I hadn't meant to say all of that. It just slipped out. Lilly held onto Chuck and tried to take him into another room but he didn't budge.

"You named him Charlie?" His voice was just above a whisper.

I looked at him. I hated him. I loved him. If I could take everything back and start over, I would. I didn't have the heart to lie to Chuck. And I saw that he was in actual pain. "Charles Declan Waldorf." I said. Not quite telling Chuck but more of stating it to myself to make the situation seem more real. The last year had felt like a dream but now it felt like reality.

"Waldorf?"

"Yes."

"Blair, I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine what you've been through." he knelt down beside me and held my hand. "Can you please forgive me?"

We looked at each other. Just looked. For a good five minutes. Time seemed to stand still as I debated on what to say. I wanted to forgive him. But maybe he didn't deserve any kind of forgiveness. I wasn't the one who needed to forgive him. _He _needed to forgive _me. _I loved him but I didn't know if I was ready to coexist with him. That sounded stupid thinking of it. I couldn't _coexist. _So I settled for a simple, "Chuck, would you like to meet your son?"

I took his hand and pulled him into the living room. Charlie was still asleep on the couch. I picked him up and faced Chuck. His eyes fluttered open. "Chuck, this is Charlie."

"Mama?" Charlie asked.

"Hi sweetie." I rocked him back and forth to let him know it was ok. "Charlie, do you want to meet someone?" He looked around the room with curious eyes. I pointed at Chuck. "This is one of mommy's old friends."

Chuck held out his arm like he was going to shake hands. "Nice to meet you Charlie." Charlie just yawned and snuggled closer to me.

"Is it alright it Chuck holds you, sweetie?" I asked Charlie. He nodded his head.

"What, Blair. No!" Chuck frantically said. I placed Charlie in his arms. Chuck looked terrified of Charlie.

Charlie wiggled in his arms. "Rattle, mama. Rattle." I reached into the tiny diaper bag and handed Charlie the rattle.

Chuck looked mystified seeing the rattle that he had bought for the baby so long ago. "You kept it?" He asked.

"It's his favorite toy." I smiled at Chuck and Chuck smiled at me.

Sometime during our sentimental exchange, the actual residents of came house came in. Serena, Lilly, and Eric all stood by the wall waiting. "I'm sorry to interrupt but we have some business to take care of." the other man said from the elevator. Chuck placed Charlie back in my arms. "If you will all please sit down. We're ready to read the will."

"Is there a place I can put Charlie?" I asked Lilly.

"In the bedroom down the hall." she responded. After putting Charlie down on the bed and making sure he was ok, I returned to the living room and took my seat between Chuck and Serena.

Davis, who I assumed was Bart Bass' lawyer, removed papers from his briefcase and shuffled them, he cleared his throat and began. "This is the last Will and Testament of Bartholomew Bass. I revoke all prior Wills and Testaments. I am married to Lilly Van der Woodsen-Bass, all references to my spouse are to her. I have one living child, Charles Bass, all references to my child are to him. I have one living grandchild, Charles Declan Waldorf. All references to my grandchild are to him." he cleared his throat once more. "To my child, I entrust Bass Industries. I also bequest my entire fortune along with my estates and insurance to Blair Waldorf, the mother to my grandchild, with the hope that she will provide for her son and one day pass on to him, the Fortune I have given her."

Every eye turned to look at me. I just shook my head. "I don't want it." I said.

"Blair, you have a child to support."

"This feels wrong." I said.

The lawyer held a finger up to silence us. "There's more." I stood up and ran to get Charlie. I picked up his diaper bag and faced everyone.

"Chuck, Lilly, I am so sorry for your loss. But I can't do this yet. This is all happening way too fast." Chuck started to speak but I interrupted. "Don't Chuck. I'm sorry and anytime you want to see Charlie your welcome to call. I'll give Serena my number before I go home. But for now, I need to talk to my mother before Gossip Girl tells her first. Serena, would you come with me? I need the emotional support."

Serena stood up. "No, you need a girls night. Your mother can wait until morning and so can Chuck's lawyer." She pushed Chuck and the lawyer to the door.

Chuck spoke up. "I understand. We both need time to process this. I'll call Serena tomorrow and we can get everything sorted out. And Blair? Tell Charlie goodnight for me." they exited the building.

I hugged Serena as tightly as I could before going into The spare bedroom and passing out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

I woke up the next morning with an odd sensation. Like everything was perfect. That wasn't true, of course. Nothing was perfect. I reached my hands out and stretched, trying to wake up. I rubbed my eyes and stood up. On my bed was a pink, silk robe. I smiled thinking of how good it was to be home. I threw the robe on and went downstairs.

On the bottom floor I found Serena holding Charlie and bouncing him up and down. He giggled. "Say good morning, Mommy." Serena cooed. She looked radiant.

"Good morning, Sweetie Pie." I said and kissed him on the top of the head. I went over to the fridge and grabbed an orange juice. "You know, Serena? You're good with him. Maybe you should have one of your own."

She laughed. "Maybe one day. For now I'm good with being Auntie Serena."

"Auntie Serena?"

"Yes." Serena put Charlie back in Eric's old crib and joined me at the table. "You look awful, Blair. To thin and not enough sleep."

"Thanks?" I shook my head. "I've not had the best year." we just sat in silence. "So, how'd you find me?"

"It wasn't that hard. I had been looking everywhere that's usual for you. Paris, the Hampton's. Nothing. But a few months ago a old friend of mine was talking about seeing you in the Bronx. I didn't believe that you- Blair Waldorf would ever set foot in the Bronx so I got an investigator to find out everything. And I do mean everything." she eyed me carefully.

I panicked internally. But just for a minute. Then I carefully reminded myself that Serena couldn't know about _that. _Nobody did. I took a sip of my juice and said calmly, "And what exactly did you find out?"

"Well, I found out about Charlie. And your financial troubles. And your marriage to Jack Bass." I stared at her, shocked. How did she find out? No one knew besides the two of them and the judge that married them. "What I didn't find out was why you married him." the question brought me back to that day nearly eight months ago.

_8 Months Ago_

_"Jack Bass. What do you think you're doing in my house?" I stared at the man who had mysteriously appeared in my home. I didn't know him well. Just that he caused Chuck pain. That was enough for me to hate him._

_ He looked around. "You call this a house? It's more like a shack." I didn't respond to his obvious insult to me. "I have a proposition that will benefit both of us."_

_ I laughed. "I can't wait to hear this."_

_ "You're a mother and in some serious financial trouble. I just happen to have a very large, unlimited supply of money."_

_ "Make your point, Jack."_

_ "Let's get married." My jaw dropped to the floor. This guy was insane to think that i would ever be with him. "Your bastard child will need a father and you need money. It seems like fate to me."_

_ "I don't need money that badly. And even if i did, i wouldn't marry you for it."_

_ He smirked. It was the signature Bass smirk. "You have a kid to support. Mommy and Daddy have disowned you. And the love of your life has abandoned you. What do you have left?" _

_ "Whats in it for you?" I asked cautiously._

_ "I love making Chuck's life miserable. Even if he has no idea were together, I'll know that I got something he's always wanted- you."_

_ "I can't, Jack."_

_ "Sure you can. Just say yes."_

_ "Alright. Let's do it."_

_ As I said "I do" in that tiny courtroom and kissed Jack Bass I thought, momentarily, as his hand ran from my face to my butt, I had just made the most monumental mistake of my life._

"I needed the money." I said to Serena.

"You could have asked me." She said.

I shook my head. "New York wasn't my home anymore. I didn't belong here. I couldn't just come crawling back asking for money."

"Of course you could! You're my best friend Blair! I'd rather you come back completely changed than marry Jack Bass for a few thousand dollars."

"I know. But it was the only way I could keep Charlie."

"So you would have rather been in a living hell than given up Charlie?" I nodded slowly. "Then your the best mother I know." Serena didn't know how right she was. Being with Jack Bass was a living hell.

_7 Months Ago_

_ I lay with my head in the bowl, puking up everything I had for breakfast. I wiped my mouth and got up from the cold bathroom floor. Charlie cried from inside his nursery. I rushed down the hall trying to make sure he was alright. As I approached the door Jack emerged._

_ "Now, Blair. What did I tell you about going to that kid every time he cries?" he asked, chastising me._

_ "You said he should learn to be on his own." I said looking at the ground. "But Jack! He's just a baby! What if he seriously needs me?"_

_ "Blair, I need you. You don't want to disappoint me do you?" he put his hands on my shoulders._

_ "No Jack."_

_ "Good girl." he said with a smile on his face. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bedroom. He threw me on the bed and began undressing me. His hand grazed up my leg and to my stomach. "Still haven't lost that baby weight yet? You're a cow!"_

_ A single tear escaped my closed eyes. I wouldn't let him see me cry. That was exactly what he wanted. He wanted power over me. To have control. And there was nothing I could do about it. I needed him to support me and Charlie. I closed my eyes and pretend I was somewhere- anywhere other than here._

"I had to Serena. I didn't have another choice. I needed to give Charlie a good life. I-I-" My voice broke.

"Look, it ok sweetie. I understand exactly why you did it. You don't have to justify anything. I get it."

"No you don't S. Nobody gets it. The things he made me do." I locked eyes with her. "They were awful."

"Im so sorry."

I pulled my shirt up and turned around to show Serena my back. She gasped. "This is the wrath of Jack Bass. This is what I went through."

Her hand ran the length of the bright pink scar from my left hip, across my back, and to my right shoulder. "How?" the word came out in a single breath.

5 _Months Ago_

_ He kissed me roughly as I fell to the floor. His breath tasted like a variety of alcohols. "You think I don't know all about your plan?"_

_ "What plan Jack?"_

_ "Don't play dumb. I know all about how you were planning to run away. Get a divorce is that it?" How did he know. Nobody knew. "I saw you on the surveillance camera packing."_

_ "Jack! I would never leave you! You're my husband and you've been so g-good to us." I stood up and tried to calm him before he did anything to harm me._

_ "Let's see how good I am now." He ran up the stairs. I knew exactly where he was heading. To Charlie._

_ I got there just after he did. I found him holding Charlie by his small onesie. "Jack, listen to me. Put down Charlie. He is just a baby. He hasn't done anything to you."_

_ "You're right." he put Charlie back in his crib. I ran over to Charlie and picked him up. He cried loudly. "His mother is the one I want." Jack ran at me screaming a variety of obscenities. His face looked was pure evil. I sprinted down the hall and into my bedroom as fast as my legs would allow. I locked the door. About a second later I heard banging on the door. It sounded like the whole house would collapse. _

_ Thinking quickly, I found a hiding spot for Charlie inside my coat closet. I knew Jack would find me but I wouldn't let him find Charlie. "Listen sweetie, you have to be quiet." I put a finger over his tiny mouth and he quieted. I hoped that by some miracle he would stay that way. I heard the door collapse and quickly stepped away from the closet. _

_ Jack barged in and grabbed me by the hair. He drug me into the hall and encircled my throat in his hands. I felt the air escaping without any way of renewing it. I fought back as hard as I could. His grasp didn't slip. From the corner of my eye I saw a knife in his belt. I reached for it and jabbed it in his side. His hands relaxed their grip on my throat and I fell to the floor, coughing. _

_ He looked from the knife to me and back to the knife. Jack removed the knife from his body. He grabbed me by my arm, seeming unfazed by the wound. He pulled me to the stairs. "You are mine. You always will be mine." the knife sliced through the thin nightgown fabric, cutting my back deeply before pushing me down the staircase. I tried to grab him but he moved before I could. I landed on the bottom floor and laid there. I watched as he looked around the mansion once, checked my pulse and limped out the door. _

I finished my story and sat back down. "Oh my God. Did you tell the police?"

"I tried. But Jack has plenty of friends in that field."

"Did anyone find you?" Serena asked.

"I eventually got to a phone and called an ambulance. I told them where I had hidden Charlie and they took us both to the hospital. I blacked out after that. When I woke up I was in the hospital with stitches in my back and a cop sitting beside me."

"Aren't you afraid he'll find you again?" Serena asked.

"Daily."


	8. Chapter 8

_AN: So, that last chapter was completely intense. Im not sure where I'm going with this yet but Im trying my best to not disappoint you! If you have any idea, I would gladly hear you out. I know the chapters are a bit short and I'd like to say this one will be longer...but it probably won't. Oh! And for those of you who are Harry Potter fans (I absolutely looove Harry Potter) I'm starting a new story for you all, so...make sure to look it up. I can't promise very consistent updates on either because I'm in the process of moving but hopefully I can get some updates. Thanks to all my loyal readers! 3 xoxo!_

**Chapter 8**

Serena hugged me tightly before we entered the same town home I grew up in. My mom was sitting on a chair, reading. Cyrus was standing behind her pointing at her book. Both sets of eyes turned to the door. Tears sprang to my mothers eyes. She ran from her perch on the couch and encircled me in her tight grasp. I stepped back, shocked.

My mother, the one who had disowned me. Hadn't tried to contact me in a year. Just hugged me. "Mom?" I asked.

"Oh Blair! I'm so glad you're ok!" she grabbed my hands and looked at me. "You look terrible."

"Mom? Why are you being so nice to me?"

"What are you talking about? You're my daughter. I haven't seen you in a year. I've missed you."

"You disowned me. You hated me." I got a look at her for the first time and I couldn't believe what I saw. Her hair was shorter than last time and she was dressed in a green sun dress accompanied by a green headband that looked like it was from my old collection of them. The most noticeable difference however, was the large pregnant stomach underneath the sun dress. "You're pregnant?"

She smiled and turned to show off her stomach. "Yes! Isn't it wonderful?" her eyes drifted to Serena who had been holding Charlie in silence all this time. "Is this your little angel?" she took Charlie from Serena with a great protest from Charlie. "Hi honey. I'm your grandmother." Charlie tried to wriggle away without much success "You're my little darling aren't you?" he made a tiny fist and hit her on the nose. She gasped and let go of Charlie.

I dropped to the floor just in time to catch Charlie. "Mother!" I yelled. He wailed.

"He hit me!"

"He's a child!" Cyrus ran over to my mom and tried to get her under control. "You shouldn't have picked him up." I yelled.

"He's my grandchild. I have a right to pick him up if I feel like it."

"No you don't! You gave up that right when you _disowned _me! You act like you didn't tell dad to leave me at the hospital without a single thing except clothes and a kid."

"Blair. Relax." Serena chanted from behind me. I waved her away.

"Don't speak to me in that tone young lady! I'm your mother!"

"No you're not! You aren't anything to me other than the woman who ruined my life."

"Blair!" Cyrus yelled.

"I didn't ruin your life. You ruined your own life by being a slut." my mother snarled.

I stormed out of the house without looking back. Serena followed me. Charlie reached his hands out to me and I took him from Serena. I held him tightly. "Serena, I shouldn't have come back. I don't belong here. And besides, Jack can find me easier here."

"Blair, you belong here. This is your home." I didn't respond to her but she guided me down the sidewalk until eventually coming to her home.

We didn't talk much that night. Lilly and Eric left for a benefit of some kind and Serena fell asleep almost immediately. I got Charlie down after a few hours. He didn't want to sleep and I didn't blame him. This was a strange place to the both of us now.

Sometime that night:

I ran down the last flight of stairs heading to the outside. The night's air was frigid as it cut through my body like ice. The black limo pulled up on the curb just in time. The door popped open and I slid in with ease. Chuck sat across from me on the black leather seat. Even from where I sat I could smell the overwhelming scent of his cologne that I had missed so much.

"Blair." he said. "I'm glad you called."

"Chuck. I need a favor." I avoided his gaze at all cost. I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Anything."

"I need money. But i refuse to take your father's. I'm leaving New York. I don't belong here anymore." I stated.

He looked awestruck. "You can't leave. You just got here."

"I need to Chuck. I'm not sure where I'll go but anywhere is better than here."

Chuck grabbed my arm. "You can't take Charlie away again."

"Will you give me the money or not?" he paused for a long time. We just stared at each other.

"I won't Blair. I can't lose Charlie. Not again."

"Fine. I'll get it somewhere else."

"Please understand..."

"Let me just say this. I know I was wrong for keeping Charlie away. Every day I wish i had chosen differently. But I think I've suffered enough. I may have him but I didn't have a good life. You can blame me if you want to. You can even hate me. But I love you. Ive never stopped. And I don't want Charlie to be without a father. But I can't stay in New York."

He looked at me and just stared. His eyes connected with mine. "Blair." he whispered. Moonlight shinned through the lightly tinted windows. It was a full moon. Chuck dropped to the car floor in front on me. "I'm so sorry." he said, taking me hand. "If I had just known. Everything would be different. I'm so sorry." his voice broke. His face grew softer. Chuck looked intently at me. "Blair." he whispered once more.

Chuck's face moved towards me and his lips locked with mine. I had kissed Chuck before. But never like this. Electricity was shooting from my lips to every part of my body. My stomach twisted. The kiss deepened as I parted my lips to allow his tongue inside. His hand moved to my leg under the small silk nightgown I borrowed from Serena.

He broke the kiss first and I gasped for breath. He cleared his throat. "Take us home." he grunted to the driver. His lips returned to mine. Time seemed to blur and once again, all seemed right in the world.


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up the next morning to find myself wrapped in Chuck's arms. I rolled over and looked at him. I loved him so much and after last night, I knew he loved me too. I kissed his cheek and his eyes popped open. A smile graced his lips.

"Good morning." he said groggily.

"Morning."

"Are you hungry? I can call room service?"

"No. Im fi-" I started to say but was interrupted by my cell phone ringing. I reached over to the nightstand and pressed the answer key on the blackberry Serena lended me. "Hello?" I asked.

"Where are you?" It was Serena and she sounded angry.

"Its complicated. How's Charlie?"

"Don't give me the it's complicated crap. Where are you?" she snapped.

"I'm on my way back now. Tell Charlie I'll see him soon." I hung up the phone and turned to Chuck. He smiled and pulled me back onto the bed. He kissed me. "I can't!" I giggled, trying to wiggle away. "I'm in enough trouble with Serena already!"

"Exactly. You're already in trouble. What's another hour?" he bargained.

"I've got to get back to Charlie." I said. "Do you- do you want to come?"

He looked as if he would say yes but instead said, "I can't. I have a...meeting." I could tell I was being lied to. It was Sunday morning. Chuck didn't do anything on Sunday mornings besides lay in bed with whatever girl he was screwing at the time.

I stood up quickly and pulled a sheet from the bed. "I get it. It's work. You have to go." he started to say something but I didn't want to hear it.

Sometime during the exchange my sheet had dropped, leaving my back exposed. Chuck's hand darted out and touched my scar. "Where did you get that?" he asked.

I instantly pulled the sheet up. "Just an accident." I looked for my clothes but soon realized I had only worn a nightgown here...and it was ripped. "Can I borrow some clothes?"

"I don't think I have anything of yours left here."

I entered his walk-in closet and grabbed one of his dress shirts and threw it on. It was obviously short but not to bad since I was fairly petite. I exited the closet, grabbed my underwear, and put those on. Chuck's eyes never left me. He could tell I was hurt. "I'll get this back to you sometime."

He got up from the bed. Sometime while I was getting dressed he had put his boxers on. He put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Blair, it's not like that."

"I get it, Chuck."

The door to the bedroom opened and Nate walked in. His eyes grew large. "Blair?"

I waved at him. "Hey Nate."

"How are you? Why are you?" he muttered, not quite deciding on the question to ask. So instead he ran up to me and hugged me. I shrugged Chuck away and embraced the friend I hadn't talked to in so long.

"Nate... I can't stay. I have to go see Charlie." then I realized he didn't know who Charlie was. "You don't know who Charlie is. I'm sorry. Uh..." my mind felt scrambled. "I'm staying with Serena for a bit. Feel free to come by. I've got to go." with that I left the familiar penthouse and made my way back to Serena's.

As I walked down the sidewalks of New York I got many curious glances and even more disapproving glances. But I held my head as high a I could in this situation like this and continued on. It didn't take long before my cell phone buzzed with a Gossip Girl update.

_Spotted. Blair Waldorf doing the walk of shame down 5th Avenue. Where did this out dated Queen Bee just come from, you might ask? I'll give you one guess. That's right UES. Chuck Bass. But more importantly, where has she been all this time? And what is she going to do next?_

_XOXO Gossip Girl_

I shook my head at the text and looked at the picture that accompanied it. It was of me in Chuck's purple dress shirt. I didn't have a chance to look in a mirror that morning. I had some major bed head going on. I could only take comfort in the fact that Gossip Girl didn't know about Charlie yet. The whole world knew Chuck and I had slept together but they didn't know what it produced.

As I walked, I thought about everything that happened last night. I wished with all my heart I could take the whole night back. I didn't know what I was expecting. Maybe I hoped he would get down on one knee and propose or tell me he loved me or maybe just have breakfast with me. But I was stupid to expect anything from Chuck. After all, he always was afraid of commitment.

I was hysterical. Tears were pouring down my face and I was gasping for breath. As I entered the apartment I found Serena playing with Charlie. She pretended not to notice me which meant she was mad. But I didn't care. I just wanted to escape the city. I knew it was a mistake to come back. I just got hurt.

Without saying anything to either of them I ran into Serena's room and went straight to the first jewelry box I found. I rummaged around until I found a diamond necklace and the little bit of cash Serena keeps at all times. Then I went to her closet and threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt.

Before I left Serena's I too a piece of paper from a journal and wrote, _"Take care of Charlie." _ I placed the paper on Serena's nightstand and went back to the living room. They were still in the same position, playing with some toy. I picked up Charlie and hugged him tightly. I kissed the top of his head and said, "I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about Blair?" Serena asked. I didn't respond. "What's wrong with you?" i turned and ran to the elevator, pressing the button for the lobby repeatedly. I saw Serena's panicked look as she picked up Charlie and raced after me. But by the time she got there the elevator doors had closed.

I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was a horrible friend and I was a horrible mother. I should want to care for my child. But I didn't. It was Charlie's fault that I was rejected by the man I had just slept with and loved. It was his fault I was ugly now. It was his fault my parents hated me. And it was his fault I had to marry Jack. I hated Charlie so much.

I ran through the lobby doors and didn't stop until I came to The Pond. I stood beside the railing. The wind whipped against me pushing me back. I blinked the tears away. They chilled my face in the cold weather. I could only think of one thing- how much better the world world would be if I weren't here.

My mind slowed. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe. I climber on top of the railing. The ice covering parts of the large pond glittered. I heard shouts from behind but they were useless. I needed to do this to make the world better. Make everyone's lives better. My feet came out from under me and I felt myself slip into nothingness.

Chuck's POV:

"When did Blair come back?" Nate asked me as I dressed in my usual suit and tie ensemble. He had been questioning me for most of the morning but I had a habit of easily evading the answers.

"A few days ago. Why does it matter?"

"She's been gone for a year! Of course it matters!" I shook my head at him. Realizing he wouldn't get many answers he finally gave up. "So, man, how are you doing?"

"What are you talking about Nathaniel?" I asked.

"Your dad."

I turned to face him. "How should I be feeling? Sad? Angry?"

"Those are usually fairly common feelings when a person dies. Especially a parent."

"I don't feel any of those things. He hated me and wished I had never been born. Why should I mourn him?" I snapped.

"Alright. Alright. When's the funeral?"

"Tuesday morning."

Nate looked shocked. "That's two days away!"

"My sentiments exactly. But Lilly insist that it takes time to plan a funeral grand enough for Bart Bass."

"Aren't you-" My cell phone buzzed. Gossip girl. I read the text and instantly felt sorry for how I treated Blair this morning. I would have loved to see Charlie truth be told. But everything was happening so fast. I couldn't handle my father, Blair, and a kid at the same time.

"Look, Nathaniel. Can I tell you something in confidence?"

"Sure." so I told him of the events that had conspired over the last few days. He asked more questions. Most of which I didn't know the answers to.

My phone rang again. It was Serena. Probably calling to yell at me about Blair. "Hello Serena. What can I do for you this morning?"

"She left." Serena sounded hysterical.

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"Blair. She left Charlie with me and just ran out of the apartment."

"You're overreacting. She probably just went shopping or something."

She raised her voice. "She said that she was sorry to Charlie before leaving. And she left a note. I'm worried Chuck. She wasn't herself."

Now I saw why Serena was hysterical. I was getting worried myself. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the apartment with Charlie."

"Good. Stay there. Nate and I will look for Blair."

"Just find her Chuck. Before she does something stupid."

I hung up the phone and turned to Nate. "Do you hear that?" Nate nodded. "I need your help." I took the elevator to the lobby and went outside. "You go right. I'll go left. We need to find her."

Nate and I went our separate ways. I sprinted down the sidewalk as fast as I could. My heart was racing. But not from the running. I was terrified something would happen to Blair. People pushed past me as I ran but I didn't stop. I had to find her.

It didn't take as long as I thought it would. I just followed the crowd. As I rounded the corner and came up on The Pond I saw Blair. She was standing atop the railing of The Pond holding her arms in the air. She looked like she was trying to fly. I pushed through the crowd, knocking people over. Somewhere in the distance I heard a siren. "Blair!" I yelled.

As I got closer I could hear her talking to herself. "Its all ok." she told herself.

"Blair!" I screamed. She furiously shook her head. She wobbled on the thin railing. I reached out and grabbed her arm before she went over the edge. She fell into my arms and started screaming. "Blair! It's me! It's Chuck. I'm here."


	10. Author Note!

A/N: hey everyone, I'm super sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I've been on vacation and lots of stuff has happened. I am now officially moved so expect more frequent updates. Those of you who actually read my author's notes will know that i've been planning to do a Harry potter story. I changed my mind. J.K. Rowling's story was to perfect to mess with. So instead i've started two new stories. A vampire diaries and another gossip girl.

I know the last chapter was pretty confusing. But the next one should explain some. I don't really have a plan for this story anymore. It's changed so much from what I originally wanted to do with it. So, I'm begging you for ideas! I need help from my readers!

As for reviews, I'll give you a hint. The more you review, the more I want to write. And that means? It means you get faster updates! I am a huge procrastinator so I need lots of motivation. And if I lack in reviews, I lose a lot of confidence in my writing. I need your love! so review!

XOXO- your favorite fan fiction writer!


	11. Chapter 11

Chuck's POV

My mind was all over the place as I waited by Blair's bedside. It reminded me of the day she supposedly "lost" the baby. It wasn't a great memory but it was there. I sat in the hard plastic chair and stared at her. Just stared. She was the definition of beautiful. Her chocolate brown hair- which was now slightly shorter- hung in curls around her face. Small pieces were plastered to her face from the sweat that ran down her forehead.

Blair's frail body was swallowed by the baggy hospital gown. Her cheeks were sunken in and hollow looking. She looked as if she was in pain even though I knew she wasn't. She was in her own world. A world of peace and happiness. At least thats what the doctor said.

When the ambulance brought Blair in, the doctor immediately sedated her. He said it was so she wouldn't hurt herself again. He said she would just sleep for a day or so. I was out of my mind with worry. I just wanted her to be ok.

The whole situation was my fault. If only I had agreed to go with her. It wasn't that I didn't want to see Charlie-I really did. But the whole concept of being with _my child _was completely foreign. It scared me. I would gladly take that fear however, over the stomach-churning worry that was overtaking me now.

I stood up and paced the room. I couldn't just sit there while the woman I...loved...was laying in a hospital bed. I did love her. If I could change anything from those days so long ago, I would tell her that. I would say "I love you" every minute that I could but for some reason I couldn't say it now. It was just three words. But they carried so much meaning. The words felt like they were weighing me down. I vowed to myself that the instant Blair woke up, I would say I loved her. I couldn't live with myself if I waited any longer.

_How could she do something like this? _I kept asking myself the same question. It shouldn't have even happened. She was so perfect-so alive last night but today she tried to...kill herself.

Admitting it to myself was almost as hard as actually seeing her try it. Almost. What could drive someone to the point that she would kill herself. _Was she that miserable? Did I do that to her?_

"Chuck?" I heard from the doorway. Serena stood there holding Charlie. I had never been so glad to see a kid in my life. I took Charlie from Serena's arms and held him tightly. It felt normal. Natural. It made me feel closer to Blair. "Is she..." Serena started, not quite knowing what to say.

"The doctor sedated her." My voice sounded hoarse and ruff. Tears burned in my eyes but I wouldn't cry. Crying meant that all hope was gone. I refused to give up hope.

Three more people entered the room. I looked up from Charlie to see Eleanor holding both, Cyrus' and Harold's hands. She dropped the men's hands and ran to me. She grabbed Charlie from my arms. "Why are you holding my grandson?" She snarled.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Why are you even touching my grandson? This is all your fault, you know."

Something in me snapped. She had no right to say that to me. "My fault? Your the one who cause all of this! You disowned her! You left her all alone and exiled!" I yelled.

"You don't have any right-"

The door clicked open once again and the doctor came in. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked.

"No. Please come in." Serena said quickly. The doctor warily advanced into the room.

"Is Blair alright?"

The doctor cleared his throat. "As you know Blair did something that could have been quite dangerous. We have sedated her for the time being. Has Blair ever been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?" We all stared shocked before immediately replying no. "I believe that Blair has always had some underlying mild case of bipolar disorder."

"That makes no sense! She would have been diagnosed before now!" Blair's mother exclaimed.

"Doctors don't usually check for it unless the parents have noticed symptoms. In many cases with parents who aren't very involved in their child's life, they aren't able to recognize erratic behavior. It is possible that she didn't develop this condition until recently but I don't think that's the case here. Recent studies have shown that after some kind of traumatic event takes place, as person with mild bipolar disorder can experience increased symptoms." the doctor explained. I let out the breath that i'd been holding in since he started talking. I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. This wasn't my fault. "So I must ask, has she experience any kind of traumatic event?"

"I haven't seen my daughter in a year. There is no telling what's happened to her." Harold said.

Serena looked at each person closely before turning to the doctor. "Yeah. She's been through some pretty tough things. She told me yesterday." Every eye turned to Serena in awe. "She was pushed down a flight of stairs by her...by someone she knew and before that the same guy made her pretty messed up. In the head." Eleanor looked like she would pop. I felt the same. Anger rushed through me but before I could question her, the doctor began again.

"Currently there are no tests other than a series of questioners to determine if this is indeed, bipolar disorder but my professional opinion is that she absolutely has this condition. Blair tried to take her own life this morning. She is in a very vulnerable state. I think that we should start treatment immediately so she has the medicine in her system before she wakes. Hopefully, by that time she will be herself again. Since Blair is unable to decide for herself I'm going to ask you to sign this consent form." he directed the paperwork at Eleanor.

"I'm not sure if this is a good idea." she muttered.

"As with every medical procedure, there are risks. Especially here where the exact dosage of medication isn't set in stone."

"I don't know..." Eleanor wavered picking up the pen.

"For God's sake Eleanor. She tried to kill herself!" I said to her.

She put the pen to the paper and started signing it. The door busted open. All eyes darted from the paper to the familiar figure in the doorway. "I don't think you should do that." Jack Bass said. He had a smug look on his face as he walked into the room.

"What are you doing here Jack?" I asked.

"Well, I was here for my brother's funeral but I heard Blair was in the hospital. I came to make sure she was alright." he said.

"Thank you for your consideration but Blair will be just fine as soon as she gets her medicine." Eleanor said.

Jack smiled. "I don't think you should do that." he said again.

"Why the hell not Jack?" I asked.

The smile turned to a smirk. "Because as Blair's husband I have the right to refuse treatment." My world stopped there in that hospital room as Jack connected the words husband and Blair.

Blair's POV

I was dreaming. Or at least I guessed I was dreaming. It was the space between sleep and awake. Where you know what's going on but you can't wake up. It was like I could hear everyone. But no one could hear me.

It was a silent prison. I was forced to be all alone in my own mind. A place that I was terrified to be. Everything I had done. Everything I was doing. Everything I was planning to do. It was all there.

My mind was dark. A wasteland. Full of nothingness. I hated myself. I deserved to die. Charlie delved better. Chuck deserved better. My parents deserved better. I wished Chuck had let me jump. It would have been easier than this.

I heard the doctors diagnosis. Bipolar disorder. But I didn't listen to the reasoning behind it. I was focussing on Chuck. He seemed outraged when Serena told the doctor about Jack. I heard his breathing hitch and his shock in his voice was apparent. He was furious. I knew that as soon as I woke up the truth would have to come out.

Of course, Jack Bass solved that problem for me. Any chance Chuck and I had left was gone now. He knew about Jack.


	12. I'm sorry

A/N: Hey everyone. I feel horrible saying this. You may all hate me. But I'm just not that into this story anymore. I don't know where it's going anymore. So for now, this story is on hold. I'm not saying I'm never going to return to it. I'm just not going to work on it for awhile. In the meantime, I have two different Gossip Girl fanfics (both about Blair getting pregnant) coming out shortly. I think I will take some elements that just weren't working Fromm this story and move them to my new stories. I seriously hope you don't hate me. Maybe it's my pregnancy. Maybe it's the fact that I can't ever seem to finish anything, but I can't continue this. Thank you all for your love and support! You have no idea how much I appreciate you. I hope that most of you will click that little blue like with my pin name on it, and read my other stories. If not, I understand.

Once again, Thank you!


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